Once more with Hobbits
by Bamber
Summary: So what if the musical demon had come to the LOTR world instead of Buffy's........ This is only a bit fun!!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Okay so all the characters were created by and belong to Tolkien and the music was written by Joss Wheedon. I only take credit for writing the lyrics.  
  
If you haven't seen the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' episode 'Once more with feeling' then this probably won't make much sense. For those of you who have the name of the song copied is starred next to the title.  
  
All the directions are in brackets so I guess it's just a matter of using your imagination.  
  
I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it  
  
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Living in the Shire *Going through the motions*  
  
(We see Bilbo coming out of the front door at Bag End. The sun is shining and he surveys his surroundings)  
  
Bilbo: Every single day is all the same  
  
I go out and smoke my pipe  
  
Whatever happened to my fame?  
  
Spending money left, spending money right (Bilbo gaily chucks money around him)  
  
I've been getting looks for writing books but I am just a crook  
  
For I've been living in the Shire, wishing that I weren't  
  
I really want to leave but I. daren't  
  
I've been really brave and seen the world  
  
But now I find that I'm back here (Stood outside Bag End, he cocks a thumb back)  
  
That when I give a wave to my friends they kind of give a sneer (Bilbo waves and two Hobbits hurry away)  
  
Hobbits: (We hate to disappear) (Bilbo shrugs)  
  
Thanks for being sincere  
  
(Shot of the Lobelia and Otho Sackville-Baggins dancing in front of Bag End)  
  
Together: (We had lots of fun when he was gone and we hope there's someone)  
  
Lobelia: (That can make him leave the Shire) Otho: (Make him leave him in the Shire)  
  
Lobelia: (Make him go away)  
  
Together: (We would like a word Bilbo (Bilbo disappears with aid of the ring) -hey?)  
  
(He reappears walking down the road towards Hobbiton)  
  
Bilbo: I will feel this way forever  
  
If I don't get out of this tether  
  
And get back out there whatsoever  
  
I don't want to be.  
  
Staying in the Shire getting old and crazed  
  
I just want to be  
  
Out there were it's free  
  
And find were I can live my last days  
  
(Bilbo with his arms spread, panoramic sweeps of the Shire)  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
I've got. absolutely no idea *I've got a theory*  
  
(Gandalf, Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin are all in Bag End. Gandalf is stood by the fire, thinking while Frodo pours some tea. The other three Hobbits are sat round the table)  
  
Gandalf: I've got a theory, that it's a ring  
  
(Looking puzzled) An Elvish ring? Naa something isn't right there  
  
Sam: (Looking excited) I've got a theory, that it's a dark lord  
  
And we're all stuck in some really scary nightmare (expression changes to terrified)  
  
All together: I've got a theory we should work this out  
  
Just actually what this brooding evil's all about  
  
Pippin: It could be wizards some evil Wizards (Stands up to find Gandalf glaring at him)  
  
Which is ridiculous, cos they are immortal and maiar good, sent from the west and I'll be over here (Sits down again)  
  
Merry: I've got a theory it could be dragons  
  
(Room is silent)  
  
Gandalf: I've got a theory.  
  
Merry: They're not extinct like everybody supposes  
  
They've got these big teeth and breath fire through their noses  
  
And what's with all the jewels?  
  
What do they need such shiny beds for anyway?  
  
Dragons, dragons it must be dragons  
  
Or maybe dwarves?  
  
Sam: (holding on to Gandalfs robes) I've got a theory we should work this fast  
  
Gandalf: We need to learn some things about the past (Starts to leave but stops on hearing Frodo)  
  
Frodo: I've got a theory - it doesn't matter  
  
We'll take this thing out of the shire  
  
This evil ring that I've acquired  
  
Adventures - we've never been on  
  
But we will fight, we will go on  
  
Hobbits: We know we're only Hobbits  
  
But we will go and try and stop it  
  
Frodo: We'll go on this trip  
  
We will fly  
  
Merry and Pip  
  
And Sam and I  
  
Hobbits: We'll take the ring out of the shire Gandalf: (They'll take the ring)  
  
Hobbits: We'll strive through ice and through fire Gandalf: (They'll strive through ice)  
  
Hobbits: There's nothing we can't face  
  
Merry: Except for Dragons  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
I will be uploading the rest in the future if you are at all interested in reading 


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for the positive reviews. I only wrote this for myself originally but to share laughter is a great thing to do. Thank you  
  
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You know you have my heart *I'm under your spell*  
  
(The fellowship has been decided and they are making ready to depart. Aragorn and Arwen are saying goodbye on a balcony overlooking the vales of Rivendell.)  
  
Aragorn: I've lived my life in travel  
  
Never a house to my name  
  
My past not yet unraveled  
  
Nothing been said of my fame (Turns to Arwen, smiling)  
  
But whatever I do  
  
I'll be at peace here with you  
  
(Aragorn starts to walk around Rivendell, Arwen following and smiling) You know you have my heart  
  
And you've giving yours to me, but you have to see  
  
That for a while we'll part  
  
To fulfill my destiny, there's something that I have to be  
  
From the first time that I saw you, I knew you were the one  
  
And with our fate decided, our path on this world had begun  
  
If I heed to my fate  
  
Together we can rule great  
  
You know you have my heart  
  
And wherever I will go, my love will only grow  
  
And now I must depart  
  
And I must travel far, and go and fight this evil war  
  
That will make me the king.  
  
It's more than a dream  
  
You will be my Elf queen  
  
You know you have my heart  
  
I ask a lot for me to share in my mortality  
  
We will never be apart  
  
For when I do succeed, the throne then belongs to me  
  
And I will be the king. (Spins around, arms outstretched)  
  
I will be the king.  
  
I will be the king. (They start kissing)  
**************************************************************************** *******************  
I'll have to tell (*I'll never tell*)  
  
Saruman and Gandalf are sat at opposite ends of a chamber in Orthanc. Saruman is bent over looking very dark and evil while Gandalf is bathed in light looking thoughtful and pure.  
  
Saruman: This is the wizard, that I envisaged will be powerful and great He is the one that is second to none he is first rate  
  
But that means nothing to me  
  
Because evil I am meant to be  
  
But the thing is you see. I'll never tell  
  
Gandalf: (looks back over his shoulder) He is a wizard, white as a blizzard isn't he pure?  
  
(Looks back at the camera) He was so wise that it's a surprise that I am not sure  
  
Of this thing he has to know  
  
For will it make his evil grow?  
  
Should I tell him. no  
  
I'll never tell  
  
Together: Cos there's nothing to tell  
  
Saruman: (Walking into the next room) He's good.  
  
Gandalf: (Following) He's evil.  
  
Saruman: (sits down on his chair) He will hate the upheaval  
  
Gandalf: (his back to Sauraman) He is a sleazy weasel that I have to hate  
  
Saruman: (sneering) He has to think he sees all  
  
Gandalf: (shrugging) He's letting all the trees fall  
  
Saruman: If I seize him it will please him to try and turn me straight  
  
Together: (Both walk to opposite ends of the room) The vibe is getting tense  
  
Gandalf: Like can he be so damn adaptive  
  
Saruman: Like should I try and keep him captive  
  
Gandalf: Like he is so very crafty  
  
Together: But it's all very well  
  
Cos I know that I'll never tell  
  
Saruman: I've been vile for a while but I won't stand trial  
  
And with the chill behind my smile, he'll eventually know  
  
Gandalf: His moods are cranky, and to be honestly frank, he.  
  
Saruman: (Speaking) His robes are manky  
  
Gandalf: (Turns round scowling) This is my verse hello  
  
Saruman: Gandalf look I'm changing colours (We see multi-colours sweeping up his robes)  
  
(They turn to face each other) Gandalf: You know your lies are see through  
  
Saruman: But I'll still beat you  
  
Gandalf: Your as dodgy as the day's long, with your honey covered forked tongue  
  
So why am I still going to tell you everything? (Waves his hand resignedly and turns away)  
  
(Both sat with the backs to each other) Saruman: (Cocks his head towards Gandalf) He's wise  
  
Gandalf: (Copies gesture) He's wiser  
  
Saruman: (Smiling) I'm pretty much a miser  
  
Gandalf: That's why I won't advise him that Frodo has the ring  
  
Saruman: Of me, his portrayal  
  
When he finds of my betrayal  
  
Will really change the tale of the terror I'll bring  
  
Together: I lied - I'll have to tell him  
  
I can hide but then this tale will end  
  
Gandalf: If a hide it he will never know  
  
Saruman: And then where will this story go?  
  
Gandalf: He can't yet let me go free  
  
So that I miss the Hobbits at Bree  
  
Saruman: He has to tell me where the rings gone  
  
So Merry and Pip will come to Fangorn  
  
Gandalf: Am I crazy?  
  
Saruman: Am I senseless?  
  
Gandalf: Will I leave myself defenseless?  
  
Together: We will really raise the tenseness  
  
And make our lives a hell  
  
So I guess that I'm going to tell  
  
It would be best if should tell  
  
Gandalf: My mouth is open  
  
Saruman: I'm saying the words  
  
Together: I'm going to - tell  
  
(Both laugh then realise what's happened and glare menacingly at each other 


	3. Chapter 3

Fight at last (*Rest in peace*)  
  
(King Theoden is Meduseld preparing for battle while Eowyn helps)  
  
Eowyn: I'm here locked inside this cage  
  
Never had a chance to let go of any rage  
  
But now that this war has come it's finally turned a page  
  
Hummm  
  
(Hands her uncle his sword) You're scared, you think that there's no hope  
  
Just because I am a girl doesn't mean I cannot cope  
  
But staying here is killing me so please throw me a rope (Turns away in exasperation)  
  
(Turns back to her uncle, a tear in her eyes) I know, that your son's no longer here  
  
But you have to trust the ones you love, the ones that are near (Runs to him grabbing his arm)  
  
Let me ride by your side 'cos I no longer fear  
  
(Grabs a sword and swings round)  
  
And let me fight at last  
  
Let me fight at last  
  
Against this evil storm  
  
Let me take this sword and battle for the country where I's born  
  
I was born a warrior, my fate already cast  
  
So let me fight at last  
  
(Puts the sword down and looks beggingly at Theoden)  
  
You know, that I am strong  
  
And protecting the ones you love, you know that isn't wrong  
  
I'll see it through, I'm begging you  
  
Don't keep me waiting long  
  
And let me fight at last  
  
Let me fight at last  
  
Against this evil storm  
  
Let me take this sword and battle for the country where I's born  
  
I was born a warrior, my fate already cast  
  
So let me fight at last  
  
I know I should go  
  
So to come with you I will pray  
  
Uncle please don't make me stay  
  
If you do I will rot away  
  
Please don't make me do what I can't obey  
  
For you must know that I'm not afraid  
  
So let me go  
  
Let me fight at last  
  
Against this evil storm  
  
Let me take this sword and battle for the country where I's born  
  
I was born a warrior, my fate already cast  
  
So let me fight at last  
  
Why won't you let me fight at last?  
  
(Finishes on her knees at her uncle's feet)  
**************************************************************************** ****************  
Lord of Orthanc (*Sweets song*)  
  
(Saruman is stood on the balcony of Orthanc looking down. Gandalf, King Theoden, Eomer, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli are stood on the steps below looking up at him)  
  
Saruman: (Sneering) You're alive, and I see you're free  
  
Why d'ya come around? Why won't you let me be?  
  
(Waves his hand in disgust)I don't need this conversation  
  
I don't want to know about your celebration  
  
So why are you here - what do you want from me?  
  
(Draws himself up to full height) I'm a wizard great  
  
As you all have seen  
  
(Puts on his charming voice) And you know your friend  
  
Is what I've always been  
  
(Looks pleadingly at them) Now I look and I am besieged  
  
Do what's right and call off the trees  
  
Why should anyone lose when we all can win? (Smiles)  
  
Cos I know how feel, king  
  
I know just how you feel, king  
  
Theoden: (Questioningly) But you sent your army to destroy my lands  
  
Saruman: But when you hear my voice there's doubt in your mind  
  
And when you look in your heart I'm sure you will find  
  
That my king you are deceived  
  
By the counsels you have received  
  
This ragged band have made you blind  
  
Here I was found, before you were crowned  
  
A friend of your fathers afore  
  
Gandalf you admire but that wizards a liar (Points at Gandalf)  
  
Trust me like you did before  
  
Cos I know how you feel king  
  
Gimli: (Addressing the king) It's absurd, see his words  
  
Are trying to confuse you  
  
Saruman: I know just how you feel king  
  
Eomer: Uncle please, can't you see  
  
He's trying to bemuse you  
  
Saruman: (Spits nastily at Eomer) Be quiet, don't try and be an advisor  
  
Leave these peace talks to those who are wiser  
  
Theoden: (Looks down resignedly) No you're right, it's my plight  
  
And long I'll endevour  
  
Saruman: (Charming voice again) I knew my good lord you would see reason  
  
To stand against me you know would be treason  
  
Theoden: (Looks up at Saruman with a hard face) You're a fool, this land I rule  
  
And I will bow to you never  
  
Saruman: (Angry) Never?  
  
Theoden: Never 


	4. Chapter 4

Bear this on your own *Standing in the way*  
  
(Sam and Frodo have stopped to rest on the stairway to Cirith Ungol. As Frodo rests Sam keeps watch)  
  
Sam: You weren't ready to take this test  
  
And I just wish we could end this quest  
  
But you keep going when you should lay down and rest  
  
And I.  
  
You'll play your part to fight this war  
  
But do you remember what we're fighting for?  
  
It may take your soul and this I can't ignore  
  
And I.  
  
Wish I could say for certain when all this will end  
  
Wish I could know this evil with which we must contend  
  
Wish I could help you  
  
And ease your pain, my friend  
  
But you must bear this on your own  
  
The sun is shining but your dark inside  
  
Is this worth all those tears you've cried?  
  
You may dying but my eyes are open wide  
  
And I.  
  
Wish I could lead you safely from the fate that's cast  
  
Wish I could take this burden and let you sleep at last  
  
Wish I could help you  
  
But I fear that time has passed  
  
And you must bear this on your own  
  
You must bear this on your own  
  
**************************************************************************** ******  
(While Sam is sat on the stair keeping watch, Aragorn is resting at the Stone of Erech thinking of Arwen)  
  
Help you live *Giles and Tara's reprise*  
  
Aragorn: You know you have my heart  
  
But until this dangers through  
  
I cannot be with you  
  
And long we'll be apart  
  
But there's nothing I can do  
  
Just hope that you'll be true to me  
  
And your heart you'll give me  
  
Sam: Give me just a chance to try  
  
You don't need a reason why  
  
It's just I.  
  
Wish I could lead you safely from the fate that's cast  
  
Wish I could take this burden and let you sleep at last  
  
And I.  
  
Aragorn: I know that you could go and be with those you love  
  
But I hope that you will know  
  
This world is for, you and me to love so  
  
We can live for more and I.  
  
Together: Will help you live  
  
Will help you live  
  
Will help you live 


	5. Chapter 5

Fight through the darkness *Drawn to the fire*  
  
(Frodo and Sam are struggling up Mount Doom. While Sam stops to search for a way up Frodo takes the opportunity to rest a while)  
  
Frodo: After all it comes to this (Looks at the ring in his hand)  
  
This mighty power in my hand  
  
Should I try or just lay down and die?  
  
Why can't I understand?  
  
(Looks up at Sam)  
  
By my side he's stayed with me  
  
A guiding light to lead the way  
  
(Looks back down at the ring)  
  
But now this dark is filling up my heart  
  
And I can never say (Shakes his head)  
  
(Standing up, he thrusts the ring back in his pocket)  
  
So I will fight through the darkness  
  
And with what I must contend  
  
I will fight through the darkness  
  
And make it.. (Sits back down looking exhausted)  
  
Sam: (Looking back at Frodo)  
  
The pain he feels is killing him  
  
There must be something I can do  
  
(Looking back to the top of the mountain)  
  
We have to fight the end is now in sight  
  
I'll help him see it through  
  
Gollum: (Sneaking behind some rocks he looks round at the two hobbits)  
  
And he is drawn to the darkness  
  
The master is no more my friend  
  
For he will give in to the darkness  
  
And life will.  
  
Cut to: Outside the Black Gate the Armies of the West are stood. The Mouth of Sauron already retreating back through the gate  
  
Gandalf:(Sat on Shadowfax looks East into Mordor)  
  
As I look across the mountains  
  
I realise our days are counted  
  
I hope that Frodo didn't suffer much  
  
Gimli: (Stood to one side him)  
  
No Gandalf we're not defeated  
  
Legolas: (On the other side)  
  
Hope will come were hope is needed  
  
There's still some good that Sauron cannot touch  
  
The western army: We will try, and with the new King by our side  
  
We will fight through the darkness.  
  
Cut back to Oroduin  
  
Frodo: (Stumbling slowly behind Sam)  
  
Every step I take is drawing me  
  
Ever closer to the flame  
  
Legolas: They're drawing close  
  
Frodo: What will be, I no longer see  
  
Can it be mine to claim?  
  
Cut to outside the Gate and close up of Legolas  
  
Legolas: The Mordor army is drawing nearer (Points across to the gate)  
  
Cut to the mountain  
  
Sam: (Looking resolved)  
  
Above the mist I'm see much clearer  
  
Cut to close up of Gimli  
  
Gimli: And we will fight until the very last  
  
Cut to the mountain  
  
Sam: I know the Shire we won't see again  
  
Cut to close up of Aragorn  
  
Aragorn: Will any remember the last stand of men?  
  
Cut to close up of Gandalf looking sad  
  
Gandalf: I'm sorry Frodo; I've failed in my task  
  
Cut back to the mountain where Frodo has reached the Cracks of Doom  
  
Frodo: (Holding the ring aloft)  
  
After all this time, I can finally say this ring is mine  
  
All: And we are caught in the darkness  
  
And no more can we pretend  
  
And we will fall under darkness  
  
And life will end  
  
Life will end  
  
Life will end  
  
Frodo: (Screaming as Golum bites off his finger) Agghhhh! 


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. I never expected to have such good feedback. Unfortunately this will be my last post as I have run out of songs to copy. If any of you have any suggestions of another musical parody, let me know; LOTR does Les Miserables maybe? Or maybe not!! But any way thanks again.  
  
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So it's done (*Life's a show*)  
  
(Frodo has just risen from his bed after been saved by Aragorn. He wanders around thinking of all that has past.)  
  
Frodo: (Sounding a little depressed)  
  
So it's done  
  
And I am still alive  
  
Lucky to have been revived  
  
Never thought that we'd survive  
  
And now I'm here  
  
(Spots Pip and Merry playing about and smiles)  
  
And my friends are by my side  
  
And they all sing with pride  
  
Cos evils been defied  
  
So the king - has come (Shot of Aragorn)  
  
And we will all - have peace  
  
And I hope - in time  
  
There will come - a day  
  
When I, can too (Sits down, head in hands)  
  
Live like before  
  
And forget this world I've come to know  
  
Don't give me praise  
  
Don't give me praise  
  
(Looks up to the sky)  
  
Give me something to live for  
  
I need something to live for  
  
(Stands and starts walking again)  
  
We are free  
  
And my friends will celebrate (Shot of men drinking and cheering)  
  
The deeds they've done are great  
  
And they never will abate  
  
But I feel  
  
Like my souls been ripped away  
  
And there's nothing left to say  
  
It was just my price to pay (Holds his maimed hand to his chest where the ring should have been)  
  
Sam will be - in tales (Shot of Sam)  
  
Merry and Pip, they'll hail (Shot of Merry and Pip)  
  
My kith, my kin, my friends (Panning sweep of the fields)  
  
Hero's till - the end  
  
But me, what then?  
  
I know they care  
  
But this thing will always be there  
  
And this world I've freed  
  
Won't be mine to need (Sighs heavily and pauses)  
  
Who needs renown, who needs the fame?  
  
When all I'll feel is pain  
  
Forever  
  
Now the King is crowned  
  
And the world may be free  
  
But I will not be  
  
Forever  
  
(Raises his arms) So give me something to live for  
  
Please give me something  
  
The music rises as Frodo sobs despairingly  
Sam: (Walking up he takes Frodo's hand in his own)  
This what you feel  
  
You don't have to become  
  
What you have done  
  
Is save us (Turns to look at him)  
  
This now is real  
  
The past is the past  
  
You've done more than asked  
  
And saved us  
  
You know you have saved us  
  
Remember that you saved us  
  
Gandalf: (Speaking) Life is now yours to live Frodo  
  
Both Hobbits look up at Gandalf; Frodo has tears in his eyes.  
  
*************************************************************************  
When will I go? (*Where do I go from here?*)  
  
(Having left Gondor, the hobbits, Gandalf and Elrond are riding north towards Rivendell. Frodo is thinking of what the future holds for himself and when he will finally be at peace.)  
  
Frodo: (Riding at the back of the train)  
  
When will I go into the west?  
  
When will I go into the west?  
  
I shall go forth  
  
(Looks to the north) To my home in the North  
  
And finally end this quest  
  
But when will I go into the west?  
  
Now my way should be blessed  
  
Filled with hope and with jest  
  
But I don't know  
  
To what end I go  
  
Or when, it can't be guessed  
  
Tell me  
  
When will I go into the west?  
  
When shall I face the final test?  
  
And end this pain beneath my breast  
  
Here I'll grieve  
  
So I'll have to leave  
  
Even though they'll all protest  
  
When will I go into the west?  
  
(Cut forward to a year later Sam and Frodo are riding back through the Old Forest towards Rivendell)  
  
*Buffy and Spikes finale*  
  
Frodo: (Speaking) Sam.  
  
Sam: (Speaking) Are you going to leave me?  
  
Frodo: So after all it's come to this  
  
Sam: I'm here  
  
Frodo: And now I have to leave this land  
  
(Cut to Sam who is looking at Frodo with tears in his eyes)  
  
Sam: Please don't leave me now  
  
Frodo looks at Sam  
  
Frodo: I have tried  
  
But something inside has died  
  
Sam: You don't have to hide (Starts crying)  
  
Frodo: I have to go to the west  
  
(The camera sweeps up above the shire, panning out to show the whole of middle earth then fades to black and the rousing chorus finishes)  
  
The End 


End file.
